The Selina & Zatanna Elseworlds: BBW
by The Real JL Rules
Summary: Zatanna and Wonder Woman discover that their spouses need to learn some manners... FEMSLASH and SWEARING.
1. Chapter 1

_1. This is a fan fiction based on characters owned by DC Comics. I DO NOT OWN THEM. This is just for fun._

_2. Just to be safe, I don't own Big Beautiful Women, either. Not that the story has anything to do with BBW... but I thought it worked for a title._

_3. This is a femmslash story. If you don't like that sort of thing, you won't like this._

_4. Yes, I'm already doing Elseworlds. This is because, within my own Selina/Zatanna canon, I don't think this would happen. But even so, I have more Elseworlds stories in mind. Besides, isn't all fanfiction Elseworlds... ?_

_5. This is a story request by The Sacred and Profane. Apologies for the time it took to answer__._

* * *

PART 1

Bruce Wayne would have done anything for a supervillain attack.

He held his head in his hands, groaning inwardly. He was in a situation most men would have nightmares over... and now he understood why.

He was sitting at an outside cafe table, waiting for the food to arrive... with his wife and _two_ of his ex-girlfriends.

And his spouse was near hysterics at his former spouses' stories.

"Seriously, you should've been there!" yelped Zatanna Kyle-Zatara, grinning wide. "There he was, locked in the trunk with all his limps chained, grumbling loud enough for Dad and I to hear!"

Diana Wayne was crying with tears. "Oh, Hera... "

"Tell her the best bit," Selina Kyle-Zatara pushed.

Zatanna took a moment to compose herself, but it was pointless: she was laughing uncontrollably as she started talking again. "He was shuffling inside so much... the trunk was _bouncing_!"

Bruce's groan became audible as the three women burst into fits of giggles. He really hated Zatanna's tales of when he was learning escape tricks from her father, John Zatara. "Oh, Bruce," Diana sighed. "That would have been a sight to see."

Bruce gave one of his trademark scowls, though the effect was not the same without his cowl. "I think that's enough, Zatanna."

Selina smirked. "Are we embarrassing you, Mr. Big Bad Bat?"

"I don't get embarrassed," Bruce lied.

"_Suuuurrre_," drawled Selina. She then looked at Zee. "Look at him, sweetheart. I think he's blushing." Bruce let his frown ease as he looked at his ex, AKA the Catwoman, sitting next to his _other_ former girlfriend. Who was now Selina's wife. Life was strange sometimes.

"Aw, we're sorry, darling," said Diana, rubbing Bruce's arm affectionately. "We're only teasing. You must admit, you're an easy target."

Bruce _humphed_. "Perhaps Selina would like to hear some of _your_ more embarrassing moments, Zatanna."

Zee instantly froze. "Er... "

"You try and tease my magic lady," interrupted Selina, "and I'll scratch your eyes out."

"Thank you, honey," said Zee.

"Because that's _my_ job," continued Selina. Again, the magician went completely still.

"Where's the food?" Bruce asked frustratingly. This little getogether was lasting forever, and he still had no idea why the Kyle-Zataras had invited Diana and he to a lunchtime meal anyway. Not that he did not want to see them, but... everyone knew he was not a people person.

"Maybe _she_ had it," said Selina, nodding in the direction she was looking. The other three at the table followed her gaze, and saw perhaps the biggest woman any of them had ever seen. Well, apart from Orca. "Look at her."

Bruce eyed the obese woman sitting several tables away. Judging by the look of her, she must have been nearly 600 pounds. "There's no excuse for that," he said.

"Bruce, that's terrible," said Diana. "I'm sure she's a very nice woman."

"Are you sure she's just _one_ woman?" quipped Selina.

"Selina!" cried Zatanna. "Diana's right - leave her alone."

"I'm just saying," explained the ex-burglar. "How can someone get themselves in that shape? She's _massive_... she must be wider than Clayface!"

"Selina," Zee warned.

"She's right," Bruce said. "There's simply no excuse. Think what her cholesterol level is. It's disgraceful."

Diana frowned. "Bruce Wayne, how could you say that? Yes, it's a shame that some people find it hard to control their appetites, but... all women are beautiful."

"I'm not talking in terms of her appearance, Diana. I'm talking about her _health_."

"I tell you," said Selina, "if I ever got in _half_ that condition, I think I'd voluntarily take one of my nine lives... "

Zatanna glared at her. "Selina... are you serious... ?"

Selina shrugged. "Humans shouldn't be mistaken for blimps. Really, I'm surprised the chair can support her."

Diana looked away from the woman. "Every woman... every _person_... can have their bodies the way they wish."

"Not if it's life-threatening," said Bruce. "She needs help."

"Why, because she's not a supermodel?" snapped his wife.

"That's _not_ what I meant, and you know it," he grumbled.

Diana looked down. "Yes, I do. But it still wasn't nice." She then turned her attention to the Kyle-Zataras. "Anyway... let's move on. You invited us here to tell us something?"

Before either Selina or Zatanna could respond, the waiter appeared with their order. As the food was placed on the table, Bruce noted Zatanna's body language. The magician had suddenly gone all quiet... but in a different way to before. Something was wrong. She... almost looked pale. But before he could voice his concern, Selina spoke up. "Yes, we do," she said proudly.

"No we don't," Zatanna suddenly said.

Selina darted her head to her wife. "What?"

"We have nothing to tell you," said Zee matter-of-factly. "We just thought we'd catch up with eachother while we have something to _eat_." Bruce noticed the emphasis on that last word.

Selina looked confused. "Honey... we... "

"Actually, I'm not that hungry now," interrupted the magician. "I think I'll go home."

Blinking, Selina grabbed her wife's hand. "Zee... what's wrong?" Meantime, the Waynes looked at eachother.

"Nothing," replied Zee. "I'm just tired. You stay here and enjoy yourselves. I insist." With that, she stood up quickly and strode off.

Selina simply stared back at her retreating spouse. Diana frowned. "Selina... maybe... "

"Y... yes," she responded. "I... better see what's going on. Er, sorry."

As Selina left the table, the Waynes sat in silence. Eventually Diana said, "What was that about?"

"I have no idea."

"Maybe we should leave," suggested the Amazon.

Bruce nodded. "We could have the meals packaged and take them home."

"Theirs too? We wouldn't want to get _fat_... would we?" Diana raised an eyebrow.

Bruce sighed. Being a loner was _so_ much easier...

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

_1. This is a fan fiction based on characters owned by DC Comics. I DO NOT OWN THEM. This is just for fun._

_2. Just to be safe, I don't own Big Beautiful Women, either. Not that the story has anything to do with BBW... but I thought it worked for a title._

_3. This is a femmslash story. If you don't like that sort of thing, you won't like this._

_4. Yes, I'm already doing Elseworlds. This is because, within my own Selina/Zatanna canon, I don't think this would happen. But even so, I have more Elseworlds stories in mind. Besides, isn't all fanfiction Elseworlds... ?_

_5. This is a story request by The Sacred and Profane. Apologies for the time it took to answer__._

* * *

PART 2

"Tell me what the hell that was all _about_!"

Zatanna sat at the kitchen table. "I said I don't know what you're talking about."

Selina folded her arms. "Don't give me that shit," she growled. She had tried to talk to her wife outside the cafe, but Zee had kept silent as she continued the walk home. Even now, back at their apartment, Zee was not talking. "We invited them to lunch, and just as we're about to tell them _why_, you go all weird!"

Zatanna frowned. "I said I'm fi... "

"Zatanna, don't _lie_ to me!" her wife cried. "I thought the whole point was that we were going to tell them!"

Remaining silent, the magician kept her gaze away.

"Don't ignore me, either! Don't you dare!"

Zee felt her anger growing. "It's _nothing_, Selina... "

"Which means it's _something_!" yelled Selina. "As if I didn't know! Really, Zee... I don't confuse easily, but you just _walked off_! The whole point of today was telling them our plans... you know - that we're planning to have a _baby_! It was _your_ idea to tell them!"

"Yes," sighed the magician. "It was."

"Then what's wrong?" Selina moved her arms from across her ample chest to her shapely hips. "What - don't you _want_ us to have a child anymore?"

Suddenly Zatanna glared at her. "_Of course_ I do! I want nothing more than for us to have family! It's... " She paused.

"What?" snapped Selina. "_Talk_ to me, Zatanna. Please... " She sighed dramatically. "_What_ happened there?"

Zatanna was silent for a moment, then took a deep breath. "Did... you mean what you said about being fat?"

Selina stared at her incredulously. "W... what? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Are overweight people that disgusting to you?" asked Zee.

"I... " Selina was clearly struggling what to say. "I've never really given it thought. I don't really care. I... " She then blinked. "Wait... is _that_ what this is about? Oh, come on Zee! I was just... just... !"

"_Just_... ?" the magician pressed.

"Fucking hell, Zatanna!" Selina yelled. "You know I hate games! Tell me why what I said pissed you off!"

Zee knew she had to say it. "When... _if_... I mean... _ugh_... _when_ I become pregnant, I'm going to be... fat."

Stunned, Selina glared at her. "Are... are you... ?" She suddenly threw her arms up in the air. "Oh, _come on_! You can't be serious!"

"I am," Zee said sternly. "Do you... _will_ you... have a problem with me getting bigger?"

"That's different! You'll be having a baby! This has nothing to do with... with obesity!"

"No, it doesn't," breathed the magician. "But your opinion means everything to me. I need to know you'll support me, Selina. That you won't think I'm... disgusting or something."

"This is utter crap!" Selina spun around and headed for the door. "Utter crap! I can't _believe_ we're having this conversion!"

"This is hardly a conversion," mumbled Zee. "If it was, you wouldn't be yelling."

Stopping at the doorway, Selina turned back to her wife. "Maybe I wouldn't be yelling if you weren't talking complete shit. Zee, _really_... neither of us will ever be _that_ big, so why even care? And as far as you getting big during the pregnancy... you think I won't love you anymore?"

Zee felt her eyes watering. "I didn't say that... "

"I can't believe I still have to... have to _prove myself_ to you! Especially after I make a little joke! This is bullcrap!"

Zatanna shot up out of her chair. "It wasn't a joke! It made me feel like crap, Selina! Do you realise how worried I am about this? There we were, about to tell our friends we're 'trying' for a baby, and you make a crack about fat people! Well, guess what, Catwoman - not only will I be big, but there's a chance I'll be _huge_! We both looked at pictures of pregnant women. Some of them were _massive_." Now tears were beginning to trickle down, more out of anger than anything else. But Zatanna was on a roll now. "I'm worried enough as it is, and then you say _that_! Even if it was a joke, it was a _sick_ joke! That you'd _kill_ yourself if you got fat? That's _obsene_, Selina! Especially as I might be almost that big myself in a few months! I felt like _shit_, Selina! And I don't want to go for nine months with you thinking I look revolting!"

Selina was silent. Looking dumbfounded, she was breathing heavily, clearly having trouble controlling her anger. "This is the most complete bunch of crap I've _ever_ heard!" she eventually seethed.

"_Is_ it? How am I supposed to think otherwise?" Zatanna wiped the tears from her eyes. "I tell you, Selina, it would never matter to _me_ what _you_ looked like! I'd love you no matter what!"

"This is bullshit," said Selina, calming... though Zee knew it was only outwardly. "You actually think I'd _ever_ find you physically unattractive? What _bullshit_. I've... I've had it with this! I'm going out!"

"_Out_?" Zatanna blinked. "Where the hell to?"

"I never had my lunch," growled Selina. "I'm _hungry_. Is it alright if I go eat something? I wouldn't want to be disgusting to _you_!" With that, Selina stormed out. Zatanna stood still as she heard the front door slam shut. She stared numbly ahead of her, thinking over what was said... or rather, shouted.

Did she really think Selina felt that way? No... but it still hurt. Zee was worried about their... _her_... planned pregnancy. And her wife's opinion of her, in whatever capacity, indeed meant everything to her. Just as she hoped hers did to Selina. So when she made that joke... as harmless as she may have meant it...

Thinking back at the lunch at the cafe, Zee had managed to remember that Diana was none too thrilled over what happened either. Bruce's comments, though not as hurtful as Selina's, were hardly tactful. Zee clenched her teeth. Bruce and Selina could be so thoughtless.

Zatanna's eyes narrowed. They really needed to learn to keep their mouths shut sometimes.

They needed to be taught some manners.

An idea popped into the magician's head. Perhaps there was a way to teach them the error of their ways.

But Zatanna herself was not tactless. She needed to make a phone call first...

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter 3

_1. This is a fan fiction based on characters owned by DC Comics. I DO NOT OWN THEM. This is just for fun._

_2. Just to be safe, I don't own Big Beautiful Women, either. Not that the story has anything to do with BBW... but I thought it worked for a title._

_3. This is a femmslash story. If you don't like that sort of thing, you won't like this._

_4. Yes, I'm already doing Elseworlds. This is because, within my own Selina/Zatanna canon, I don't think this would happen. But even so, I have more Elseworlds stories in mind. Besides, isn't all fanfiction Elseworlds... ?_

_5. This is a story request by The Sacred and Profane. Apologies for the time it took to answer__._

* * *

PART 3

Selina paced a four-foot circle a few yards away from the hotdog vendor where she had gotten a snack, boiling with rage. She could not believe what had just happened. It was preposterous!

Zatanna was worried about being fat? Selina's comments about the obese woman upset her? For crying out loud... Selina was dumbstruck. She did not know what went through her wife's mind sometimes.

She had not been this pissed off for ages. In fact, the only emotions Zee usually made her feel was undying love and relentless passion. But sometimes... the woman infuriated the former thief. And Selina's legendary temper had _nothing_ to do with it!

Going over what had happened in her mind, Selina was oblivious to everything around her, including the looks of confusion of passer-by's as she traced a circle on the same spot of one of Gotham's parks. She was far too angry to care what anyone thought, let alone be aware of anyone else.

Really, why was Zee so upset? Who cared about some obese woman? Zatanna would never get that big during the pregnancy... and Selina would never let herself get in that state. As for her suicide remark... did Zatanna not recognise flippancy?

Her mind going back to the obese woman, part of Selina wanted to go back to the cafe and give her a piece of her mind. Because of her, she and Zee had had a fight! They _never_ had fights! It was _her_ fault! Selina had half a mind to indeed track her down and let rip.

But... no. She was not worth it. Let her live her life. Who cared? It was no skin off Selina's nose. All she cared about was her wife and her cats. Forget the woman at the cafe. And forget about Zee's worries about Selina not loving her. They were stupid. Besides, Zee would never get _that_ big. It was pointless thinking about it.

Sighing heartily - and more deeply than usual, for some reason - Selina moved her hand up to take another bite out of her hotdog... only to catch her hand in her teeth instead. "Yow!" Dropping the food, Selina's hand now stung. How had that happened? She went to inspect her fingers... and froze.

Her slender, delicate fingers had become...

Eyes widening, Selina looked at her entire arm. Her entire... bloated...

Beginning to breath heavily - again? - she saw a woman several feet away applying makeup. She dashed over to her... only to find herself struggling to stay upright.

Surely...

Eventually reaching the woman, Selina breathily - why breathily? - grabbed her makeup mirror. "I need to borrow this!" As the woman smeared lipstick across her face, Selina gazed into her reflection...

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh_!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. Chapter 4

_1. This is a fan fiction based on characters owned by DC Comics. I DO NOT OWN THEM. This is just for fun._

_2. Just to be safe, I don't own Big Beautiful Women, either. Not that the story has anything to do with BBW... but I thought it worked for a title._

_3. This is a femmslash story. If you don't like that sort of thing, you won't like this._

_4. Yes, I'm already doing Elseworlds. This is because, within my own Selina/Zatanna canon, I don't think this would happen. But even so, I have more Elseworlds stories in mind. Besides, isn't all fanfiction Elseworlds... ?_

_5. This is a story request by The Sacred and Profane. Apologies for the time it took to answer__._

* * *

PART 4

"_Zatanna, what have you done_?"

Selina flew the apartment door open, nearly knocking it off its hinges. Taking deep breaths, she could barely stand. "Zatanna, _get out here now_!"

"What is it, Selina?" came the calm voice in the kitchen.

Selina stormed - bumbled? - into the kitchen. "_Look at me_! _You_... !" She paused when she saw Zee... and screamed for the second time in ten minutes.

Zatanna looked up from the book she was reading, munching on a cake. Selina glared at her.

All 600 pounds of her.

"Something wrong, Selina?" Zatanna asked.

"_What the hell have you done_?" cried Selina.

"I'd have thought that was pretty obvious."

Selina was nearly hyperventilating. "You... you've... you've made me... made _us_... _FAT_!"

"Obese, actually," sighed Zatanna.

Selina continued to glare at the magician, and knew what had happened. She was now obese...

And so was Selina.

"_Are you INSANE_?" the ex-burglar yelled.

Zatanna looked unaffected by Selina's rage. "No. But... I think it was necessary."

Selina could not believe it. "Necessary? _Necessary_? You... you made us _FAT_!"

"Yes, to prove a point."

Now it all made sense... as much sense as was possible. "I don't _believe_ this!" cried Selina. "Just because... because I made a _joke_! _Come ON_!"

"You need this... "

Selina thought she was going to have a stroke. "_Need_ this? Fucking hell, what the fuck's the _matter_ with... "

"_SELINA, SHUT UP_!"

Shocked at Zatanna's sudden change in demeanour, Selina's mouth snapped shut.

Zatanna slowly sat up and walked towards her. "What you said... even if you didn't realise it... was deeply hurtful and thoughtless. Just because someone's obese doesn't make them worthless, or the butt of jokes."

"Zee... "

"I said _shut up_!" came the harsh interruption. "You need to know when to _stop talking_ and keep flippant remarks to yourself. What if that woman had heard you, Selina? How do you think she'd have felt? I'm sure she's _painfully_ aware of her appearance. And even if it doesn't bother her, she wouldn't like _horrible_ remarks like yours. So I thought maybe you'd like to experience it yourself, and maybe you'd like to repeat your little joke. How would it sound now?"

Selina was quiet. "But... " she eventually mumbled. "But... I thought you were worried about the pregnancy... "

"Of _course_ I am," whispered Zatanna. "After what you said, I couldn't help but worry about how you'd think of me being overweight... how you'd _look_ at me. And that's probably how that woman feels _all the time_. And even if she doesn't... you shouldn't have said what you said. Not the _way_ you said it. There was nothing ironic in your tone. You ridiculed her."

"I... I... "

Now close to Selina, Zatanna stroked her enlarged cheek. "I know you didn't mean harm by it, darling... but even so, you need to know when to _be quiet_. So let this be a lesson to you... think how you feel now, and imagine living your whole _life_ like this."

Selina looked down. All her anger had evaporated, replaced with shame. "I... don't know what to say... "

"Just tell me one thing," said Zee. "How do _I_ look to you? Is me... is _us_... being this big _really_ such an issue? Enough to ridicule?"

Selina looked up at her. "You... you're beautiful, Zee," she breathed. "You're beautiful no matter what. I... can't believe you'd think otherwise." Zatanna was right: how could she have been so thoughtless? So uncaring? Zee once told her she saw a caring side in Selina... it had certainly failed her at the cafe. "I'm sorry... " she said quietly.

"I know you are," Zee answered.

Then something else came over Selina, something alien to her... negative self-awareness. She looked down at her own inflated body. Suddenly, something Zee said earlier had her worried. "But, if... if we're going to be fair about this... "

Zatanna continued to stroke Selina's cheek. "Yes?"

Taking Zee's hand away from her face, Selina took a deep breath. "How do _I_ look to _you_?"

Smiling wide, Zatanna answered with a kiss so forceful it nearly sent Selina reeling... and it had nothing to do with her newfound difficulties in balance.

The kiss was broken by the phone ringing. They both looked at it, reluctant to prise themselves apart. In the back of Selina's mind, she indeed realised that, even in these obese bodies, the women loved holding eachother. "That'll be Bruce," Zee said.

"Bruce?" Selina was confused again. "How do you know?"

Still hugging her huge spouse, Zatanna waited for the answering machine to kick in. Smiling ruefully, she remained silent as Bruce's voice filled the kitchen. "Zatanna, what the _hell_ have you done? After we flew back to the Manor, Diana... Diana... she's gained 500 pounds! She said you... you _phoned_ her earlier and made a deal! What the _hell_ are you thinking? You wait until tonight - I'm going to make a special visit to your apartment during my patrol! You and I need to have a _talk_!" With that, the message ended.

Selina stared at the magician. "What did you _do_?"

"Well, I could tell Diana was upset by Bruce's own comments," explained Zee. "So she agreed to become obese too to show _him_ the error of his ways."

They glared at eachother... then burst into fits of giggles...

TO BE CONTINUED


	5. Chapter 5

_1. This is a fan fiction based on characters owned by DC Comics. I DO NOT OWN THEM. This is just for fun._

_2. Just to be safe, I don't own Big Beautiful Women, either. Not that the story has anything to do with BBW... but I thought it worked for a title._

_3. This is a femmslash story. If you don't like that sort of thing, you won't like this._

_4. Yes, I'm already doing Elseworlds. This is because, within my own Selina/Zatanna canon, I don't think this would happen. But even so, I have more Elseworlds stories in mind. Besides, isn't all fanfiction Elseworlds... ?_

_5. This is a story request by The Sacred and Profane. Apologies for the time it took to answer__._

* * *

PART 5

"You know, I could get used to this."

Alfred Pennyworth picked up the tray of crumbs. "I should warn you, Your Highness, that even _I_ have my limits."

Diana continued chomping away at the huge vanilla cake. "Don't pretend you don't love it, Mr. Pennyworth."

"I don't mind serving the children on an hourly basis," the butler drawled. "But if I dare say, Ma'am, you're taking the proverbial."

Diana laughed. "I'm only messing, Alfred."

Alfred _humphed_. "Then may I please be excused? I think seven cakes is enough."

"Yes, you're excused, Alfred," came the voice from behind the computer chair. "Diana and I need to _talk_."

"Of course you do," said the Englishman. "But before I leave, Sir, may I request you pick up some groceries during your patrol? Otherwise there'll be nothing for breakfast."

Diana struggled to stifle a chuckle. "Sorry, Alfred."

_Humphing_ again, Alfred turned towards the Batcave lift. "Goodnight, Sir, Ma'am."

After he had gone, Diana began munching again. Meanwhile, her husband sat up from behind the computer and strode towards her. "Don't forget those groceries," Diana said.

The Batman grumbled. "This isn't a _joke_, Diana. Look at you!"

The Amazon looked at her decidedly-_non_-Amazon body. "It's just a couple of pounds... "

"More like half-a-tonne! _Really_, Diana, what were you thinking?"

"What were _you_ thinking when you made rude comments about that woman?" Diana asked.

Batman, in a rare show of frustration, held his head. "We've been _over_ this... I _wasn't_ being rude. But a person shouldn't let themselves get in that condition! It's not healthy!"

"Maybe she couldn't help herself, Mr. World's Greatest Detective." Diana finished the cake and rubbed her hands together. "Not many people _choose_ to be morbidly obese."

"No, just you and Zatanna, it seems." Batman looked over his wife. Now as big as the woman at the cafe, the Amazon Princess would not have been recognisable to Hippolyta herself. And to complete the picture, Diana had _somehow_ managed to get on her costume. The Joker would have laughed himself to death.

"Maybe this'll teach you to think before you speak."

"I _always_ think before I speak, Diana," said Batman.

"True, but you don't always think of people's feelings," responded Diana. Batman was about to refute that, but Diana cut him off. "I know you were concerned for her wellbeing, Bruce. I know you _care_, but sometimes... you don't _think_. That woman would not have needed a lecture from you. I'm sure she knows it all too well. And besides, it's what _inside_ that counts. I didn't think I'd have to teach you that."

"So is that was this is?" asked Batman. "A lecture? I'm not a child, Diana. I wasn't judging that woman as a _person_, I was judging her _lifestyle_."

"And that's how I know you care," said Diana. "But you must admit, darling, that you're not exactly Mr. Sensitive."

"A sensitive Batman doesn't exactly instill fear," he replied. "Anyway, I need to go if I'm to _get your food_. And please don't let the twins see you like this. It'll raise too many questions... and I mean questions about _how_, not _why_, before you say anything."

Rolling her eyes, Diana sighed. She then leaned forward to kiss her husband... but he quickly moved his head to press his lips on her bloated cheek. He then turned away and headed towards the Batmobile. Looking down, Diana clenched her jaw. "Bye, then," she said bitterly.

Batman suddenly paused. He was motionless for a few seconds, then slowly turned back to his wife. "Hold on... is... is this a... _test_ of some sort?"

Diana looked at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"It _is_... " Batman walked back towards her. "Diana... you can't be serious! You think I'm... _unattracted_ to you now?"

"Don't accuse _me_, of all people, of being shallow, Bruce!" Diana yelped. "This has nothing to do with that."

"Maybe not," Batman said cautiously. "At least, not wholly."

The Amazon looked down.

"_Diana_... " he stressed.

Sighing, Diana looked back at him. "Don't think you've outmanoeuvred me, Mr. Wayne," she said. "Whether intended or not, your comments were crass and thoughtless. Seeing me like this, up close, might make you think twice in the future. Imagine how she might've reacted if she heard you."

"Which I acknowledge," said Batman. "But as you said, it wasn't my intention to insult." Slowly, the pieces came together in his mind. "At the cafe, you made a comment about supermodels... "

"_Ugh_," Diana groaned.

Batman went towards her until they were just an inch apart. "Diana... you don't think... "

"No, I don't," she interrupted. "Truly I don't. But at that _instant_, the thought - however irrational - came into my head that... "

"That I'm only with you because of your looks," finished Batman.

"And believe me Bruce, I _know_ that's not true. I know in my mind _and_ my heart. But, like I said, in that _instant_, when you made those remarks... " She paused. "And just now, when you wouldn't kiss me... _was_ it because how I look now?"

Sighing, Batman chastised himself. Diana was right - he was so _thoughtless_ sometimes. Well, it was time to put his wife's fears to rest. He confidently reached up and held Diana's enlarged chin. "Diana... _this_ means nothing to me. I love you no matter what. And why didn't I return the kiss?" With then ran his other hand across Diana's mouth.

Diana looked confused, until Batman showed her his gloved hand... covered in cake crumbs. "Ah. That might exp... "

She never finished the sentence as his lips were suddenly on hers...

TO BE CONCLUDED


	6. Chapter 6

_1. This is a fan fiction based on characters owned by DC Comics. I DO NOT OWN THEM. This is just for fun._

_2. Just to be safe, I don't own Big Beautiful Women, either. Not that the story has anything to do with BBW... but I thought it worked for a title._

_3. This is a femmslash story. If you don't like that sort of thing, you won't like this._

_4. Yes, I'm already doing Elseworlds. This is because, within my own Selina/Zatanna canon, I don't think this would happen. But even so, I have more Elseworlds stories in mind. Besides, isn't all fanfiction Elseworlds... ?_

_5. This is a story request by The Sacred and Profane. Apologies for the time it took to answer__._

* * *

PART 6

"See him yet?"

"Nope, but you know him," said Selina, looking out the window. "He just _appears_."

"I thought maybe your eyes and ears might pick him up," said Zatanna from her lying position on the bed.

"I'm not a _literal_ cat, honey," Selina responded. "Not since that one time... "

Zee darted her head to her wife. "What're you... ?"

Chuckling, Selina moved away from the window and clambered her massive body into bed. "I'll tell you another time." She looked out the window again.

"I doubt he'll carry out his threat," said Zee. "I'm sure Diana talked him out of coming over. She's very persuasive."

"You talking from experience?" asked Selina, raising an eyebrow.

Zatanna mirrored the expression. "Paranoia doesn't suit you, Selina."

After _humphing_, Selina looked down at her enlarged spouse. "I really, really can't believe you did this."

"But it worked, right?" asked Zee.

"Pretty much," said Selina. She turned her attention to the remnants of food strewn across the duvet. They had spent the evening back at the café, ordering as much food as they could. At Zatanna's wishes, Selina had paid attention to the looks and murmurings they were getting from other patrons. She understood how her words could have been taken, now she was on the receiving end. Though to be fair, Zee never truly understood that Selina could not care less what other people thought of her, apart from Zee herself. So the mutterings did not effect the former thief that much. When they were directed towards her wife, however, Selina wanted to go on a rampage.

She _had_ learnt how looking like they now did effected people around them - almost everyone was mumbling about the couple. Selina realised how annoying it was. Not upsetting, but annoying. Could they not just leave them alone? She knew now being that big was _not_ a subject of ridicule. Those people just needed to _shut up_.

Selina sighed as she assessed the amount of food remains around them. "Plus, we got to empty out the fridge. Never realised how much stuff was out-of-date... "

"Only by a couple of days," the magician said.

"Mmhmm." Selina looked back at Zee. Something came over her... something hardly unfamiliar, but surprising given their current situation.

Zatanna seemed to notice Selina's change. "Honey... ?"

"You know," purred Selina, "You're actually quite _cute_ in this state... _Very_ cute indeed, as a matter of fact."

Blushing, Zatanna began to giggle. "What are you saying, Selina?"

Leaning down, Selina stifled a laugh as she heard the bed creak. "I'm saying... I'm hungry for something else entirely, my magic lady... " She then kissed Zee hard, pressing her into the mattress.

"Selina... " Zee managed as she prised her lips away. "The bed... "

"We'll get a new one," Selina said. "I need you... all of you... "

Zatanna grinned into another kiss.

"Oh, and Zee?" Selina then breathed.

Zatanna stroked her massive spouse's cheek. "Yes, darling?"

"Thank you for my lesson."

THE END


End file.
